Desertion by River Savage
Synopsis
Honor.
Courage.
Commitment.Three things Jesse Carter has lost. A former Marine, Jesse used to stand proud of his achievements and live by the code. But when circumstance made him question everything he believed in, those most basic values didn’t feel so important after all.
Sex.
Lies.
Knights Rebels.Three things Jesse Carter has found. Reborn into a brotherhood not so different from the one he left behind, Jesse finds it all too easy to block out his past and claim the role as the Rebels’ fun loving player.
Until he meets Bell.
Shy, awkward, and with troubles of her own, Bell Johnson’s no stranger to hiding her pain. When Jesse forces himself into her life, she’s at risk of her defenses crumbling.
Does Bell have the strength to survive Jesse and his demons or is she fated to become another casualty in the self-destruction of Jesse Carter?
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Excerpt
I wake up to the heat of someone’s palm against my shoulder. Twisting around, my hand moves faster than my brain, and I snatch it off me.
“Jesse, it’s me, Bell,” she rushes out before I can take it any further.
“Fuck.” I release my grip on her arm and sit up, forcing myself back to the here and now.
“Did I hurt you?” I reach for her searching for any sign of a mark left by me.
“It’s fine. You barely touched me.” She holds her arm out letting me inspect it. I check it over one more time before releasing her and relaxing.
“You wanna talk about it?” I study her face, eyes calm, soft mouth. She’s not freaking out.
“Just some shit that visits my dreams sometimes, nothing that needs to touch you,” I reply, shocked I’m not retreating.
“I don’t mind, Jesse,” she pushes, and I almost cave. Almost.
“The last thing I want to do is talk about this shit, Bell.” She doesn’t argue or press, and I’m grateful for it. I don’t think I’d be able to keep my cool if she did.
“Come back to sleep.” She lies back down and I follow her. She doesn’t ask me any more questions, or make me feel like I need to tell her everything.
“That ever happens again, don’t wake me,” I warn. A menacing thought strikes through me picturing what could have happened if I didn’t wake in time. She’s lucky I didn’t hurt her, like the last time a woman touched me while I had a nightmare.
“You don’t always have to be so brave, Jesse.” Her hand moves to my dog tags. I don’t stop her. I’m starting to like the feeling of her hands touching them.
“Never tried to be, Bell. But talking doesn’t help me. Never has.” I think back to the time when I did try and it forced me out of control. Talking about those triggers only amplified my insecurities. When death sits afar, mocking you in the dangerous confines of your surroundings, it fucks with your head; nothing was going to change it.
Besides, my issues weren’t what I had done. They were what I had survived. My conscience wasn’t clear and my honor wasn’t clean.
“Promise me you won’t touch me.” I keep my tone even, controlled.
“I promise.” I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips. Maybe one day I will let someone in. Let her in.
Today isn’t that day.
But today, I didn’t push her away.
That has to count for something.
